it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
