For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
