How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
