also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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