Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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