I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
