i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you would pick up someone in the library
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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