omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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