Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
