Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We need to get me chipped asap
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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