I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
