Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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