I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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