It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dignity is for republicans.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
