you win again, gameday.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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