So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
