bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize