I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
