You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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