i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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