I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
