i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
