My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
