I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just want nice things and good sex
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
