i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
