The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
