It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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