why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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