i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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