these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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