he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
