It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
