I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
