He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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