when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
