Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
