Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
