You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
