There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
