Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
