You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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