I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
