We're facebook friends in real life
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
