I have demons in me.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
