Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Found your dick twin last night
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
