All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
