I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
