im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
