Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
