he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
