Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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