oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
